Members-only clubs, “elevating”, and how to respond to bullies
Little “soap bubbles” from my trip to New York
“Soap bubble” issues are roundups of some of the things I’ve noticed/learned/thought about recently. Little luxuries, helpful observations, or even deep thoughts that have captured my attention in a positive way.
Dear Reader,
I was in New York for most of last week. While I was there, I attended a conference hosted by the Female Founder Collective, which I’ve been a member of since the early days of my business. I got to hear successful founders and business leaders speak, and I made some great connections. I'm proud of myself for taking the leap: for making the trip in the first place (my first real 'business trip' since my daughter was born!), and for being proactive in connecting with new people (I'm inherently more of an introvert).
At one point, I happened to be standing right next to Rebecca Minkoff (well-known designer and founder of FFC) and I took the opportunity to introduce myself and share the story of F&M. I brought prototypes of my new lip balm to the conference, and I pulled one out to give to her. She told me she doesn’t wear lipstick and always carries a no-name chapstick around with her. She loved the look of mine, so I gave her two—yay! Later in the conversation I mentioned I wasn’t normally into the Housewives shows, but that I started watching the reboot of RHONY because of Jenna Lyons (who I’ve loosely followed as a fashion person since her golden era at J.Crew). Rebecca gave me the scoop on her experience being on the Real Housewives of New York last season and how she was ultimately portrayed. Message me if you want her insider info, ha.1
Other highlights of the conference for me included hearing Sara Blakely speak, laughing at Bethenny Frankel’s humor during her interview, and getting to chat with Lydia Fenet and several other remarkable people I knew only virtually or not-at-all before attending.
A few photos from the conference:
“Elevating”
Another remarkable person I got to connect with is the founder & CEO of Mysha, a mostly referral-based international network of moms, for women who never thought they’d join a mom group (hi). I’ve been an early member of the group since I was pregnant in 2021 and had met Marika Frumes in person once before at an event in LA back then. She is known as a “super-connector” who seems to know everyone. She’s an expert in fostering authentic community, which I’ve experienced firsthand as a member of Mysha. But still, sometimes when you meet people with similar descriptions, they don’t always feel like “real people” if you know what I mean. But when I got to talk with Marika towards the end of the day, I felt like I was chatting with a genuine friend (if you know me, you know I don’t say that lightly). She shared with me she was going through a challenging time as her business was growing—feeling imposter syndrome and the discomfort that comes with major change. But she phrased it as she was “elevating”, i.e. reframing the period of difficulty she was experiencing as a “period of elevation” that will bring her to her next higher stage. How cool.
I’ve found the older I get, the better I get at accepting the circumstances put in front of me, trusting that whatever is happening is for my highest good. My faith continues to build. But the process of being stretched, being made to feel uncomfortable or worse, continues. Love thinking about going through hard sh*t as “I’m being elevated” to the next level.2
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The conference was the impetus for the trip, but while I was there, I was lucky enough to stay with two of my best friends (more remarkable people) who I’ve known since we all lived in the city in college/early adulthood. One now lives in LI and one is in Brooklyn. I won’t describe their situations/where they live in too much detail for privacy reasons—but suffice to say both are beautiful and enviable.
It was so special spending one-on-one time with each of them, catching up IRL, and seeing what their day-to-day life is like. With such busy lives during this stage, balancing family and work, it’s hard to even get each other on the phone for more than a few texts or quick DM exchange, so getting to spend a few days in person was a gift. I got reacquainted with both of their neighborhoods and visited both of their kids’ schools. I was able to attend a school play one night where one of their sons held a starring role. After the show we went to a lively hibachi dinner with a few other families they’re friends with from the school, and one of the dads just happened to be a famous actor. I spoke to his wife about our shared love of writing, and our shared experience of being the only girl in the room during early educational pursuits (poetry for her, computer science for me3).
How to respond to bullies
At one point in my visit when just hanging out at my friend’s house, she was telling me how she was teaching her kids that the way to deal with bullies at school is to call them out directly. E.g. if a kid says something mean, say back to them, “that was mean” in a matter-of-fact, confident way. Coincidentally, I had just heard similar advice from a podcast more relevant to adults, which was: if someone does something disrespectful, ask them curiously, “did you mean to be disrespectful?”, which shines a spotlight on the awkwardness so it can be diffused. Responding to more intense modern versions like online bullying or a certain bully-in-chief (blurg) requires further discussion, but I love the concept of responding to negative/condescending energy with curiosity and non-charged directness.
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While I was in New York, I also experienced more of what makes the city magical. My girlfriends and I went for a chic dinner at Chez Fifi on the UES, a coveted table-of-the-moment, complete with escargot and caviar. We got a table upstairs which is an even more cozy and beautifully-designed space than the downstairs, and I thought how fun it would be if in the future there was some sort of hologram bubble above each patron, describing who they were. Of course privacy, but it’s a fun thought in a place where you’re kind of going to be “seen” amongst the fashionable set.
Members-only clubs
My friend generously took me to the members-only speakeasy of Crane Club, to celebrate my birthday while I was there. Chris Rock held his 60th birthday party there a month ago, and apparently Taylor Swift & Travis Kelce were just there the night before us (we just missed her!) The guy who let us into the members-only lounge area was wearing a hat with the Yankees (NY) and Barneys New York (RIP) logos embroidered on it in a cool way. I asked where he got the hat, and he said he makes and sells them himself on the DL so he doesn’t get sued by Barneys, lol. If I find out how to get one, I’ll let you know! The night was full of great conversation with old friends about culture, politics, and our dreams—with a side of fancy whiskey cocktails (not too sweet) and champagne. It felt reminiscent of when I lived there, but this time with the benefit of more maturity and perspective.
We were out later than I’ve been out in a long time, but luckily between the time difference, taking glutathione before bed, and some sort of NYC magic, I was fine the next day.
And it’s a good thing, because the next day I had to get on the plane to travel home. Such a special trip!! But I was happy to get home to my husband and daughter and celebrate my birthday with them.
Xoxo with love,
Cher
She would want me to tell you. I’d never share something told to me in confidence!
I was good at math and had no idea what I wanted to do, so I chose computer science originally as my major in college. I did not know yet that going to school for fashion was a thing. When I discovered I was the only girl in the computer science classes, and that all the boys spent the entirety of their weekends coding, I concluded it wasn’t for me!
Love your photos in this blog. Very striking and impressive--both photography and subjects. Love the gorgeous bathrooms and how your F and Melon(s) add to the decor, rather than detract. Love the architecture you captured but also the purse details and food--was that caviar? You had a great time I can see. Welcome back home!